Why do we do what we do? You already know that we are all different, and we’ve looked at how our worlds can be experienced differently through our filters, particularly our beliefs.

Another reason why people are different is that we are all fundamentally driven by a number of “invisible forces”:

• Certainty/safety
• Uncertainty/variety
• Significance
• Love/connection
• Growth
• Contribution

Tony Robbins calls these the Six Core Needs, and you can watch his informative and entertaining TED Talk here. We have ALL six needs in us. It’s just that some needs drive us more than others. The needs that drive you can explain so much about why we have certain preferences for jobs, sport, partners etc. Pretty cool, right?

Let’s focus on Certainty in this post first. We will then explore the remaining five core needs in upcoming posts.

Safety first – our need to have certainty

The first need is Certainty, or safety. We all need to feel safe. This is not unlike the first layer of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs that suggests that it is not until we feel certain and safe that we can move towards self-actualisation. Many have challenged this, citing examples of people doing amazing acts of kindness towards others and the world without having their basic needs met. Which is why the six core needs are a bit easier to digest than Maslow’s Hierarchy. Rather than a path, the needs operate independently of each other.

So, we need to feel safe. We need to have routine. Depending on how much you need this determines how much it drives you. If you find yourself motivated by routine and knowing what’s happening next, one of your primary drivers is most likely certainty. Awareness of this can be very powerful, as when your need is not being met in a resourceful way, you will seek to meet it in a way that does not serve you or move you closer to your goals.

How do you know certainty is one of your key drivers?

Ask yourself:

• Is it important for you to know all the steps before you start something? Or are you more of a “fly by the seat of your pants” type person?
• Do you like to have movie tickets booked and paid for before you get to the theatre?
• Do you have a “career trajectory”?
• What sort of car do you drive? What were the most important criteria?

If you err towards the safety/security side of things, most likely one of your drivers is certainty. Being driven by certainty is not in itself a good or bad thing. It is only when you are not getting your need for certainty met in a resourceful way, you could seek unresourceful methods such as over-eating and being a “control freak”.

Stop and reflect. Is your current behaviour serving you? For what purpose are you doing what you are doing? Are you meeting a need for certainty in a way that is not working for you? What could you change? How else could you meet this need? A way that is more resourceful?

Are you driven by certainty? Many people are! How have you made it work for you? Feel free to share using your favourite button.

I recently took a break from my business, website and blog to get married and honeymoon. I decided to use the opportunity to break away from technology as well so I could focus on my new marriage and really, really rejuvenate. I also felt that getting married is such an intimate experience, and wanted to keep it private and special. Now, I love being on social media and interacting with my friends and colleagues, so I knew it could be a challenge. But I gave it my best shot – ducking in and out of the online world and generally relaxing and enjoying my time off. This is what I learned:

1. It doesn’t have to be all or nothing. I know people choose to take a complete break, but I knew there would be times I would pop online (our villa in Bali had wi-fi). I gave myself permission to get online every now and then to play a bit of Words with Friends and other games as well as quickly browse social media. It was never more than 15-20 minutes a day. I still felt connected and I still felt like I was getting the break I needed. I could have chosen to give up on the technology break all together at the first Angry Birds request. Instead, I approached with a “moderation is key” approach, knowing there are always times when things are less than perfect.

2. Creativity flows in the absence of distractions. I took a small notebook and wrote down ideas as they came to mind. I found without the pressure of a computer screen and keyboard in front of me, the ideas flowed more freely out of my pen. There were times where I wished for a laptop as I don’t write very fast, but I loved letting new thoughts find their way (albeit messily) into my little notebook. In fact, I am typing from there now. Wayne Dyer hand writes all his books first. And he’s written a lot of books. Wow.

3. You miss less than you think. There seems to be this 21st Century disease going around: FOMO – Fear Of Missing Out. This causes our endless scrolling of Facebook, Twitter, Google Plus, Linked In etc. I used to scan relentlessly, not wanting to miss anything important. By setting up my alerts for my most favourite of friends and groups, I quickly ducked in and out of social media ensuring I got to the most important bits of information. It’s true… There is a LOT going on in the world, but it’s not all relevant to me. Having this attitude really helped me streamline how I spent my time and maximised relaxation.

4. Taking time to REALLY take things in pays off. I’ll admit, when I read a book, I often have my phone in the other hand to look up ideas and concepts, order more books, go off on a tangent of research, take notes, where was I? Without technology easily at hand, I truly devoured a number of books including Brene Brown‘s Daring Greatly. An amazing book that requires a good head-space to understand and reflect on the concepts of shame and vulnerability. Not the book to grab fifteen minutes here or there. My break allowed me to sit for an hour or so at a time and really enjoy the moment of reading. We already know that multi-tasking is simply doing a number of things at the same time badly. Taking time out to do one thing at a time was a real gift. A gift I am going to be giving myself now that I am home. Why wait until you are on holiday to enjoy the present moment?

5. Focus on self and not others. When you are interacting with others online regularly, it can be so easy to start comparing others’ highlights to your out-takes. It can really get you down. I have never thought of myself as someone who compares myself with others, however with technology no longer a regular feature in my day to day life, I found myself feeling happier, lighter, better. I mean, it may have had something to do with our private pool, warm weather and cocktails on hand, BUT… Since returning to regular life in Melbourne, I have limited my technology and noticed a marked improvement in my mood. Again, I think there are opportunities to streamline my time to not just make the most of my day, but keep myself in optimal mental condition.

Overall, a learning experience and I’m keen to incorporate those learnings as life gets back to “normal”. Who knows, perhaps I’ll never need another holiday?

Have you taken a technology break? How much could you benefit from spending less time in front of a computer screen and more time in the sun/shade/pool? Share using your favourite button below…

Have you heard the story of the carrot, the egg and the coffee bean? It is a story of a mother teaching her daughter a lesson on the difficulties of life by putting three pots of boiling water on the stove and in each one a carrot, an egg and a coffee bean. After boiling the pots for about half an hour, the mother asks the daughter to examine each one. The carrot, once hard and strong, was weak and soft. The egg, once fragile, was hard and unbreakable. The coffee bean had created coffee. The moral of the story is: when things get difficult or arduous, do you turn soft and weak or hard and unbreakable? Or do you influence the environment around you to create something new? The choice is yours.

The last week has been personally challenging for me, and I have been very much focusing on being the coffee bean – influencing events and creating opportunities. I have been trying to make coffee. I’m just not sure it’s that tasty…

Which got me thinking about another metaphor that reflects where I am lately and you might resonate with more. It involves animals, and how THEY respond to adversity and is inspired by the book The Third Space by Dr Adam Fraser. He discusses the different types of energy we have during our day: Tiger, Sloth and Swan.

My metaphor is about bulls, turtles and swans.

• Bulls rage and charge at anything, no matter what the circumstances – whether it be a real danger or just an unfortunate hiker wearing a red t-shirt.
• Turtles pull their heads into their shells at the slightest sign of danger.
• And swans, beautiful, graceful swans, look elegant in all situations. Their energy is just wonderful. They gracefully step into the water and glide away from anything they do not like, and they attack when they think their young are in danger. They are able to move so well between the bull and the turtle.

How have you been going in difficult times lately?

I know I can be a bit of a turtle. I tend to withdraw and come out every now and then and charge like a bull, often looking quite unreasonable and erratic. Because the turtle processes everything inside, not sharing with others, so when the bull takes over, there is no context. You can just imagine how scary it would be to watch a scared little turtle with its head tucked into its shell turn into a giant, angry bull!

How to be the swan

Dr Fraser talks about the importance of transitioning from one space to the other, being present and focusing on what went well. He talks about the importance of stillness and being present. And it can all be done in less than five minutes! Yes, no need to reach a deep state of meditation for an hour. It’s just a matter of taking a few moments whenever you can to be present, still and grateful. A trainer of mine once challenged us to take any negative situation and ask “What’s great about this?” or “What COULD be great about this?”

It might only be for a few moments – the importance is to practice regularly. Because, like anything, with repetition becomes mastery. Can you imagine how cool this would be if you mastered the ability to be still, present and grateful at any moment? Not only would it help to get through your day, but when difficult times come (and they will), you will be so ready. I’m up for giving it a go, are you?

How easy is it for you to the swan? How do you think being still, present and grateful will help?

So, how is your learning going? Are you getting better at learning new things or relearning old things by understanding your learning style? I hope so! Now that you know some new things, how is your memory when it comes to recalling information? Remember, the best part of learning is teaching it to others so it’s imprinted in your memory even more…

Whether you a visual, auditory or kinaesthetic learner, you need to ACCESS that information in a way that the information you learn is useful to yourself and others. Did you know that over 60% of the population are visual learners? (source: Wikipedia). And, did you know, that regardless of your learning style, your eyes will move in a certain direction to help you recall information? That’s right… It’s all IN THE EYES! 

Take a look at the diagram drawn very carefully by me in MS Paint 🙂 as if you are looking at another person looking back at you…

This person is normally organised – that is, they are most likely right handed. Everything is around the other way for someone who is not normally organised.

Vr = Visual Recall – this is where you look to recall or remember visual information. What colour is your house?

VC = Visual Construct – this is where you look to imagine something new. What would your house look like if it was purple with pink spots? BE CAREFUL HERE… Someone who looks up this way is not necessarily lying, they could just be imagining or creating something as a part of recalling. Knowing this information does not qualify you to star on Lie to Me…

Ar – Auditory Recall – this is where you look to recall a sound – like remembering your favourite song.

Ac = Auditory Construct – this is where you look to make up a new song or sound or thinking of something to say.

K = Kinaesthetic – this is where you look to access your feelings.

Ad = Auditory Digital – the home of reasoning and logic. This is where you look to access data, facts and figures. And your self talk.

The cool thing about this as it totally explains why someone is not looking at you when talking to you. They are not avoiding your gaze, they are simply accessing information (or making something up… or bored – human behaviour is not a perfect science!).

What this means for your memory

Do you need to remember something that you saw? It could be a picture or something written in a book. Look up to your left (if you are normally organised). Can you see it? It WILL be there.

Do you need to remember something that you heard? Something someone told you? Look sideways to your left.

Do you want to recall a special feeling? Look down to your right.

Do you want to recall some facts? Look down to your left.

How this can super-charge your memory

Even better… Do you want to remember something really important? Like a definition or a model? Simply take the picture and put it into your Vr – so when you look up and left you can see it. Keep it there for a while then move it down to your Ad to lock in the facts. Then finally move it to your K and lock in that feeling of knowing. When you want to recall it, simply look up to your left, to your Vr and it will be there. So those steps:

• Vr
• Ad
• K

Got it? Now go and learn something. And don’t forget to teach it to someone else!

Did you find this useful? What did you learn? Why don’t you share by commenting or using your favourite sharing button?

I love going to the gym, I really do. But I’m a lover of the spin studio or anything that gets my heart racing immediately. Immediately! I have a number of friends who have successful personal training businesses that tell me the importance of weights. I believe them. Bone density, fat burning, general health. I’ve even done the research myself. Yet, when I’m looking at the lat pull-down machine and the spin studio music starts, I just can’t help myself. Short term pleasure wins over long term gain…

Short term pleasure vs long term gain

You see, I would rather the buzz of cardio over the long term benefits of weights. Even though I KNOW how beneficial lifting weights is. Even if only for 30 minutes (15 minutes longer than a spin class). But it doesn’t FEEL like I’m doing much. My heart isn’t racing! I don’t have that shaky, spinny feeling that I get after a great cardio workout (your legs are supposed to feel tingly, right?). It’s more attractive to spend time either running or cycling or rowing or equally huffy puffy…

Weights and Cardio in Life

So, how does this play out in other areas of my life? (a great coaching question, by the way…). If I’m to be honest, I thrive on the activity that generates the most movement or excitement. The one that feels the busiest. I tend to put off the tasks that don’t feel like I’m getting much benefit in favour of the tasks that get my heart racing. So, how is that working out for me? (another great coaching question) Well, not always great, to be honest. I have found that the times that I have invested in the thinking, the strategy, the planning, and the general “weights” related activity, I have got the most benefit. But not immediately. When I simply run from one busy task to another, I find I am getting a lot of short term benefit but nothing else.

Some short term pain for long term pleasure

So, I’ve learned to strike a balance. I do weights, but break them up with a surge of effort on the rowing machine in between sets. And the same goes for other areas of my life. I fulfill my need for “busyness” by doing short term surges, then balance off with what I have started to call “investment activities”. They don’t feel amazing but I know that they will pay off in the end: business development, writing manuals, doing my social media strategy. I won’t say I’m an expert, but I know where the results are and I know where I need to focus. And I’m getting better. That’s pretty good as far as I’m concerned.

How much of your time is taken up with “busyness”? Could you benefit from more weights? What could you do that would improve your productivity in the long term? Share below using your favourite button!