When I was at the Australian Defence Force Academy a number of years ago, we had to do a fitness test twice a year. It was always quite challenging but exhilarating once you had passed. In my second year, they introduced a new challenge – an overhand arm hang from a heave beam. Now, if that means nothing to you, you are not alone. Just know that it involved hanging with your hands baby kangaroo style over a large beam not designed for women’s hands! If it had been under-hand, it would have been easy (well, easier). But over-hand called upon the tiny muscles in my arms that don’t get much exercise. Any woman with hips was going to find it a challenge. At the first test, most of the girls in my class failed. Only the super light, muscular types survived the 21 seconds you had to remain up there. You needed a very light power to weight ratio and to engage parts of your arms that just weren’t meant to hold you up for any period of time.

The heartbreak…

For someone like me who had consistently achieved credits in the fitness test, this was heart breaking. Even more so was the requirement to turn up to Extra PT every morning from 5.30am. This session was grueling and nicknamed “Sluggies”. In true military fashion (I’m sure they don’t do this anymore), they applied the same principle to every person there – to pass your test, you need to run more. Then run some more. So, while my run time improved beyond anything I could have dreamed of, my arm hang time stayed the same. Day after day, we ran around the oval at 5.30am. Weekend after weekend, we would attempt the test again with no improvements. I once made 19 seconds (although I think the assessor was being very kind – my chin was heading south of the bar at about the 14 second mark), and I spent the next week berating myself for not hanging on for another 2 seconds. The following week I only made 15 seconds. It was soul destroying. I even began thinking of myself as a “slug” rather than a fit and healthy person.

The decision…

Then, one week, a few people passed! There were cheers and tears as we farewelled our fellow Sluggies from what had become a close group, bonded in our 5.30am misery. It was a celebration for some, a reminder for others we had still failed. But, something magical had happened. We had seen the possibility of passing. We had seen what it looked like, we had heard (and participated in) the celebrations, we had felt what it would be like to be free of this burden. I decided I would pass the following week. I practised as I had every week before. This time, I told myself that if others could do it, so could I. I already had blisters on my hands from all the practice in the past few months, but this time was different. I was practising to pass. I had DECIDED to pass.

The following test, I didn’t just pass, I stayed there for 35 seconds. 35 seconds!! And it was easy. Relief and joy washed over me. I had done it!

The real learning for me in this experience was that at the very beginning I had given up. I was turning up to Sluggies at 5.30am every day and going through the physical motions, but in my mind, I had decided I wasn’t going to pass. I had accepted this new reality as my own.

The moment I saw another possibility – the possibility of passing – I questioned it and made a new decision. A decision to do something different. The power is in my hands. The power to make a choice. The power to define the rules.

Since then, health has been one of my top values.

What new decisions will you make today that could change your reality? Share below in the comments or with your favourite social media button!

Failure. Yes, that dreaded word. That word that sometimes seems so easy (and hard!) to say. When we don’t meet our goals, sometimes this word comes up. I didn’t get to the gym 3 times this week. I didn’t get all my emails answered today. I should have… I could have… 

What is your definition of failure?

One of my favourite quotes is by Thomas A. Edison who said: “I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.” So, this quote, as well as being massively inspiring, tells us a lot about his definition of failure. When he had failed once, that wasn’t failure, when he had failed hundreds of times, that wasn’t failure. How many times do you have to fall over and pick yourself up before you call failure? According to Edison, this number is very high. According to others, it’s lower.

Your definition so you ALWAYS win

Einstein once said that “You never fail until you stop trying.” What if YOU were to define failure in a way that mean’t you could NEVER FAIL? What if, instead of trying something once or even a number of times, failure was only possible if you stopped trying.

You see, we decide our entire world by the rules we make for ourselves… “If  I <insert cool thing here x frequency> I am/have <insert awesome achievement/accolades here>”

So, why not make some rules that will serve our cause? Support us? Champion us?

What if you couldn’t fail? What would you do instead? And how awesome would it be?

So, go ahead and redefine your rules on failure. Then see what might be possible…

Please share your experiences below in the comments of use these handy little sharing buttons!

I found an advertisement for what sounds like a fantastic diet the other day. The tag line was “Never Feel Hungry again!” Admittedly, the first thing I thought of was that dramatic scene from Gone with the Wind where Scarlett O’Hara is standing on a hilltop declaring ” I’m going to live through this and when it’s all over, I’ll never be hungry again”. It was powerful and emotive, but I have a feeling that the advertisement was not promising that you will never have to lie, cheat or steal to feed your family during a war-torn time.  It was letting you know that if you followed this amazing diet, you wouldn’t “feel” any hunger. Great, right? Well… No…

It got me thinking about emotions. In this world of “think positive”, we seem to spend a lot of time pursuing “good” feelings and running away from “bad” feelings. I, for one, think feeling hungry is a good thing. It’s a sign that my body needs nourishment. And if I really listen to my body, I can know exactly what it needs. Sometimes, it really needs a serve of vegetables. Other times, it needs a cupcake. And the same goes for emotions. Feeling a negative emotion should not be seen as a bad thing. Like hunger, it’ s just a feeling and it is there for a reason. If you are feeling sad or lonely, instead of running away from it in the pursuit of what you”should” be feeling (we should all be feeling happy all the time, right?), why not take some time to get really curious as to why you are feeling this way. You are feeling this way for a reason. Stop, acknowledge it, and really feel it. One of the great things about life is that everything passes. Both the good and the bad. Instead of replacing this “bad” feeling with a “good” feeling, why not sit with it and know that it, like everything else, will pass?

Negative feelings are only bad when they stay around for extended periods of time and stop you getting the results you are after. If this is the case, perhaps review your goals. Have you tried to do too much too soon? Is this the reason you are feeling bad? There are lots of ways to stop feeling a negative emotion – just be really sure that you know why you are feeling it first. Sometimes simply acknowledging it is enough.

So go ahead. Feel the feeling you are feeling right now. Really acknowledge it and get curious. And know it will pass. And that you have so many good things to look forward to, if only you let yourself.

 

Daniel Goleman stated in a TED Talk ‘There is a newly coined word in the English language for the moment when the person we’re with whips out their BlackBerry or answers that cell phone, and all of a sudden we don’t exist. The word is ‘pizzled’: it’s a combination of puzzled and pissed off’. I think we have all been there. That feeling of suddenly being Priority Number Two, Three or Four to an electronic device.

We have so many gadgets that are supposed to make our lives easier, yet they seem at times to take us further away from each other. Many have written and spoken about how bad this is, yet so many of us still do it. Why? According to Edward M. Hallowell in in a Harvard Business Review Article entitled “The Human Moment at Work”, we all know and recognise that face to face contact is important, but they require energy. Energy we would rather spend elsewhere. As a result, we turn to electronic means to communicate and lose touch with our fellow human beings. The results can lead to paranoia and anxiety.

When my clients are describing a problem to me, often it’s the first time they have ever verbalised it. In their heads, this problem has been building up and sounding like a catastrophe. Once out loud, it doesn’t sound so bad. This does not mean that all of our problems can be solved by just saying them out loud, but it is definitely the first step to resolution. Otherwise, one can experience what Hallowell describes as “toxic worry”, where an issue just plays around in your head without an outlet, apart from perhaps a misunderstood email or voicemail.

So, we need these “human moments”. A lot. Like brushing our teeth or exercising, human moments need to be regular to be effective. Trust your intuition. Do you need to reach out to someone? Do you need to put down your Blackberry and give someone your attention? Strategic use of the human moment will help reduce the confusion that is all too much created by electronic communications. It can restore us and make us feel whole.

And the good news is, it’s easy to do. So, go on. Have a Human Moment right now!