Some people ask me how it is possible to have a regular meditation practice AND have cats. How do I maintain my zen composure in the midst of rowdy giant ragdoll kittens? Is there a “How To” Guide on meditating with cats?

Actually, noone has asked me that, but I wish they would. Because then I could tell them.

It’s impossible

My regular as clockwork, completely calm, amazing meditation does not happen as regularly as it used to. I don’t always start the day with a calm, centred approach, solving problems with a thought and saying wise words at the right time. Actually, none of that ever happened, but I was hoping…

I used to be able to sneak out of bed into my study and meditate, but the cats awaken at the sound of my eyelids opening and immediately start their morning campaign for attention. My quiet, zen time in the study is no longer possible. So, my meditation is whenever I can grab the time. Sometimes, it’s the morning, sometimes it is late afternoon or evening. And I have learned that anywhere between a few stolen minutes to a blissful hour, even when interrupted occasionally by a paw tapping my cheek, or my glass of water being knocked over, is still a good session.

The other day, I was meditating and noticed a lot of quiet around me. A lot. There was no water being splashed around or fighting or things being chased around. Concerned, I opened my eyes to find them both next to me, flat out, asleep. Most likely achieving a level of calm that I can only wish to achieve.

Keep going

Not all sessions will be perfect. Not all sessions will go for the length of time you planned. Resist the urge to pass judgment. Just sit. And if you can, sit some more. If you are okay with the puddle of water at your feet, let it be. If it needs to be cleaned up, do it. Then sit again. The more amazing sessions I have, the more I realise that a “perfect” session is not the goal. It’s just to be.

What distractions do you have in your life? Distractions that might be preventing you from being all you could be? How can you overcome them?

I was writing a post for our online communication business about overwhelm the other day. You can read it here. During my research, I was looking up other words for “overwhelm” using the very handy Thesaurus care of SHIFT F7. And do you know what I discovered? The Microsoft Word Thesaurus also provides antonyms, or opposites to the words you enter, a function I have never paid much attention to until now.

The opposite of “overwhelm” is “capitulate”.

Or, “surrender”.

So, in my blog post, I discussed the tactic of breaking down your tasks into bite-sized chunks to avoid overwhelm. A great concept I use all the time, especially when it all feels too much and I risk procrastination. And then I found out that, according to the dictionary, the opposite of overwhelm is surrender.

Wow.

So, to be clear, surrender is not about giving up and walking away. Or retreating in the face of battle. In fact, the Japanese language has no word for “retreat”. Instead, they call it “advancing to the rear”.

Are there times when it is best to “advance to the rear” rather than fight something? Would this give you a chance to get better perspective and learn? What are  you fighting anyway? Is there another way?

Is there something you could do right now that would mean you do not feel overwhelmed. Do that. Now. Then try “advancing to the rear” and see what you are able to observe from there.

Feel better? Good.

I know in my last post I talked a little about multi-tasking. And while I talk about how important it is to focus on one thing, it’s so easy to get distracted and completely go against my personal and professional mantra.

A colleague of mine showed me a great trick to convince even the worst of the multi-tasking offenders.

Take a sheet of paper and draw four lines. Get a stopwatch ready.

Start your stopwatch. On the first line write: I am good at multitasking. On the second line write the numbers 1 through to 20. Stop the stopwatch. Record your result.

Next… Start your stopwatch. Do exactly the same thing, only this time write the letters and numbers together alternating between lines. So, you would write “I” on the top line then “1” on the bottom line. Then go to the top line and write “a” then back to the bottom line and write “2” and so on. Stop the stopwatch. Record your result.

How did you go?

I took 23 seconds to do the first task. And 38 seconds to do the second. A whopping 60 percent longer.

Wow.

Can you imagine the impact in your day to day life with bigger, more critical tasks? It doesn’t bear thinking about. Do the exercise and I’d love to hear your result and what you are going to do to ensure you make the most of your time!

Have you ever studied a map of London, looked at the streets, the building names, the river Thames? Was it like being in London? Did you experience London? Probably not (not even if you have a great imagination!). Was it an accurate representation of London? Of course it was. But it was NOT London.

The same goes for the human mind. You see, our memories and experiences are stored in our minds, much like a map. They help create our reality and how we experience the world. But they are not our reality. They simply represent our reality.

The map is not the territory. Polish-American scientist and philosopher Alfred Korzybski encapsulated a  view that an abstraction derived from something, or a reaction to it, is not the thing itself (source: Wikipedia).

As a coach, I enter my client’s “maps” to understand them so I can best help them. The more I understand their map, the better I am able to understand how their past experiences have shaped who they are today. And then I can assist them make amazing transformational change. While working with a client it is important for me to always know that their map is just a representation, it is not them. Their map is not the territory. It is important for me to hold this belief to be true. Can you imagine what sort of world we would live in if we all believed that our views of reality were the only ones?

So how can we use this? Think about the words you would use to describe different areas of your life like your career, relationships, health and wealth. I you are honest; the words you use are a direct reflection of what you believe to be true and how you value yourself. Someone else might use different words. How you language something becomes your reality. What if you were to change the language that isn’t serving you and expand your map? Who is getting the results you want? What sort of language do they use? Even the smallest adjustment in what you say can lead to the biggest changes. Give it a go, I would love to hear your results!

In my last entry, I talked about the importance of being who you need to be, and acting “as if”. This is not “fake it til you make it”. It is “fake it until you become it”. How do you know when you have become it? Well, the world changes. Yes. You can change the world. How awesome is that?

You see, the world as we see it is simply a mirror of our own projections. Change the way you perceive the world, and you can change the world. Literally.

Try this exercise. Point your finger at someone and someone and say “you are beautiful”. Notice as you do this, there are three fingers pointing back at you. You can only recognise beauty in someone if you first see it in yourself. Therefore, the world is a reflection of you.

Which means that if we change the way we perceive ourselves, it will be reflected in the outer world. Just like changing your focus and seeing the evidence, changing the way you think about yourself is exactly the same thing. What a great way of moving from effect to cause!

Think about the people you love spending time with. What is it about them? Why do you enjoy spending time with them? What do you believe about them? How do you feel when you’re with them? Are ANY of these qualities in you? Could they be a reflection of you?

Now think about people you find challenging to be with. What is it about them that makes them challenging? What are some of the qualities in them that cause you to find them challenging? Are any of these qualities in you? Could THEY be a reflection of you also?

According to Carl Jung, we marry our unconscious minds, and all the challenges we have with our partners are all the challenges we have with ourselves. On a more positive note, all the things we love about our partners we love about ourselves.

What can you change about your thinking right now that can have a positive effect on the outside world?

I watched an amazing Ted Talk last week with Amy Cuddy explaining how you can change your body language to give yourself more confidence. I touched on this briefly in my blog on communication skills and Amy takes it to an greater  level using scientific evidence to show changes in testosterone and cortisol just from changing your physical state. Amazing.

The part of the talk that really got to me though was a personal account of her confidence taking a major blow in College. As a result of this setback, she formed the belief that she was not good enough to graduate, or have a successful career. She did go on to have a successful career, but for a long time felt like she did not deserve it, saying “I’m not supposed to be here”. With some great encouragement and mentoring, Amy was encouraged to keep showing up and “faking it”, until one day she realised that she had become it. She WAS “supposed to be here”. She DID deserve it.

How many times have you thought to yourself “I’m not supposed to be here”, or “I don’t deserve this”, or even “What if I’m found out”? There are three Universal Fears that are present in all of us to varying degrees: the fear of being found out (or not being enough), the fear of not being loved, and the fear of not belonging. What Amy is talking about here is the fear of being found out. We ALL have it. Everyone, at one point, has wondered whether they really deserved to be where they were, or worried about being found to be a fraud. The key to overcoming it is to recognise it, and realise it is totally normal to feel this way. 95% of it is awareness as one of my great mentors once told me.

Then, form a new belief: If you didn’t deserve this, you wouldn’t have it. So, keep turning up. And one day you will realise that you have become the person you needed to be to deserve it. You may also realise that you always were the person you needed to be, you just didn’t know it at the time. It’s not always easy to see ourselves for who we are. And that’s okay. Act “as if”, and one day you will not need to act. You will just need to be.

Who do you need to be? Start being that person now. Because you DO deserve it!

Last year, while training for the triathlon season, I was hit by a bike on a shared path and knocked unconscious. I ended up with concussion and a serious tail bone injury that left me unable to do anything apart from hobble around for a few months. I eventually physically recovered with some great chiropractic and massage care, but mentally, I struggled with the concept of getting back on my beautiful road bike. Funnily enough, the accident happened just after a bike ride while I was running. So, even though my bike was not involved, I had this fear of getting back on it. After a while, I got back on my mountain bike, but I just couldn’t get back on my road bike without visualising something terrible happening. I kept re-living the accident and the feeling of getting flung forward and the sound of my head hitting the pavement. I was doing a great job of letting the incident live rent-free in my head. I knew I had to get past it.

So, I started visualising riding my bike down a peaceful, tree-lined street with a wide bike path and no traffic, and the feeling of the wind and sun on my face, and turning the pedals with ease. Not a care in the world. Anytime something negative crept in, I ignored it and imagined my quiet street, with distant sounds and the lovely feeling of being on my bike. I did it over and over until I decided it was time, pumped up the tyres, put my helmet on, and headed off.

It felt awkward at first. The seat is higher than my commuting mountain bike, and I was a little nervous – only 20 minutes before I was figuring out how to put the back wheel back on (did I put it on the right way? Is the whole bike going to fall apart into a million pieces?). Pushing the negative thoughts out of my head (I had been getting pretty good at doing this lately), I pushed on and turned up a quiet street not far from my house. In fact, it was the quiet street from my visualisation. Exactly the same one. Even the distant sounds were the same. And there were no cars. Well, one appeared but was of no consequence. The sun felt warm on my face and the breeze was lovely. It felt easy and effortless. Just like my visualisation.

I am beginning to appreciate even more, how important the quality of my thoughts are. And how critical it is to visualise success. And know what is possible. Anything is possible. I’m so jubilant about a 10 minute bike ride, but I know if I can achieve this, who knows what else I can do?