The Power of Beliefs

September 14, 2013 by

Beliefs MindIn the wake of the Australian election, I have been curious to observe the strong, diverse views and beliefs being communicated over traditional and social media.

According to Wikipedia, a belief is defined as ” the psychological state in which an individual holds a conjecture or premise to be true”.

It is amazing that we all live in the same world and are experiencing the same events, yet having such different experiences. And there is a great reason for that. Yes, we are all different. But how? Well, to break it down, consider that we take in billions of bits of information every second. We can’t possibly be aware of every single thing, so our unconscious mind brings to our attention what it thinks is the most important. And it does that using a number of filters:

  • Time, space, matter and energy (our physical world and make up)
  • Language (how we express ourselves)
  • Memories (what has happened that we remember)
  • Meta Programs (who we are)
  • Decisions (the subsequent decisions we make as a result of experiences)
  • Values and Beliefs (as a result of evidence, we form certain values and beliefs towards things)
  • Attitudes (our values and beliefs form how we feel and respond to certain things)

The thing I really love about these filters is that it explains everything from why different people will talk about the same event in a completely different way (for example a party or a car accident) to why people choose their religious and political beliefs. There are probably a million (or even billions of) things to say about these filters, and I just wanted to focus on beliefs in this post.

What do you choose to believe?

Remember, a belief is something that we hold to be TRUE. And if it is truly a psychological state, how do you argue with someone? How do we know who is right? The truth is, we don’t. We choose to believe certain things based on our filters. We think that we change our beliefs when we have more information, but what we have really done is changed the content in our filters. The choice really is ours!

Be careful what you believe…

Ghandi once said:

Beliefs become Words

Words become Actions

Actions become Habits

Habits become Values

Values become Destiny

Changing Beliefs

The really cool thing about beliefs is that you can change them if they are not serving you. Changing beliefs, and choosing to believe something else, shows flexibility. The more flexibility we can have in any given situation, the more control we can have over that situation. And our results. Think about the beliefs you have towards something like failure. Are they serving you and helping you achieve your goals? If yes, great! If not, what could you change about these beliefs so they DO serve you? What do you need to believe instead that will make all the difference?

Have  you changed a belief? How did it change your results? Share using your favourite button below!

Filed Under: Communication, Personal Development

How your unconscious mind works

September 11, 2013 by

How we learn and how we recall information is all a function of our unconscious mind. You see, our unconscious minds are like a huge, dis-organised library, with memories, information, feelings and all sorts of experiences littered around. There is some poor, overworked librarian running around working to retrieve information at the right time for you, and sometimes she (well, mine is a she) doesn’t always come up with the goods. The solution? Sack your unconscious mind librarian of course! No. The solution is to understand your unconscious mind. Because when you do, it will make learning, recalling information and life in general SO much easier.

Why understand my unconscious mind? unconscious mind 2

Because it will make learning, recalling information and life in general SO much easier. I just said that! And it’s so much more than that. Your unconscious mind is a powerful tool. Imagine having control over one of your greatest assets. Because the more control you have, the better control you have over the environment around you. Let’s look at my favourite three top things your unconscious mind does for you, and how you can use these attributes to your advantage.

Memory Storage and Organisation

Your unconscious mind stores ALL your memories. Yes, everything is there. And it stores it in two ways:

  • Temporal (in relationship to time)
  • Extemporal (not in relationship to time)

This is why some things feel like they happened a long time ago when really they were recent and vice versa. And some things you have no idea when they happened. Although, when you think about your life as one big, long timeline with your future stretching out in one direction, and your past in another, your memory stores significant events as “gestalts” – and they will be like little bumps on your timeline. Some of these will be positive, some negative. If there are any unresolved emotions or memories, the unconscious mind will choose a time for you to resolve them (or not). This is why you might suddenly feel emotional but not know why. Your unconscious mind is helping you resolve something by either repressing a memory (you are not ready to resolve it) or presenting it (yep, time to make them rational, resolve and release). It doesn’t always pick the most convenient times… So, when things do come up, simply check in. What is my unconscious mind trying to tell me? What do I need to resolve?

Preservation of the Body

We don’t see everything in our world. At every second there are billions of bits of information available for us to take in. The unconscious mind uses filters to decide what we need to take in. While there are a number of filters (and we’ll go into them in a separate blog), the unconscious mind’s most important task is to keep you safe. A trainer of mine once told a story about how she couldn’t find her earrings. She looked everywhere, including the pocket of her handbag, where she swore she left them last. As she was searching the house madly, she stopped and checked in. She knew that the earrings were a bit hard on her ears and they were getting sore. But she loved to wear them as they looked amazing and she felt so good in them. So, she sat down and had a chat with her unconscious mind: “okay, I know they are hurting my ears, but I love them and I promise to take them out as soon as I get home and look after my ears” (or something like that). She then went back to the pocket of her handbag and there they were. Her unconscious mind had chosen for her NOT to see her earrings because it was trying to keep her safe.

So, next time you are looking for that lost item and it doesn’t seem to be ANYWHERE, check in. What’s going on? What could you be inadvertently protecting yourself from? I love this one as it totally explains why it took the good part of the day to find my passport before I flew to Papua New Guinea to walk the Kokoda Trail…

Enjoys serving

Yes! Your unconscious mind exists ONLY to help you and assist you in getting ANYTHING you want. The problem is, it’s very literal. I like to think of my unconscious mind as a caring, loving five year old child with the best intentions just rubbish execution at times. You see, your unconscious mind cannot process a negative. So, when you tell a child: “don’t slam the door”, what normally happens? Yes! All the child hears is “slam the door!” And the same thing goes for telling your unconscious mind what you want. Thinking things like “I don’t want to be fat”, “I don’t want to be tired”, “I don’t want to be broke”… Guess what your unconscious mind it doing? Acting on your directions! So, make it really simple. Be really clear about what it is you want and put it into positive language. Remember, perception is projection – believe something, and your unconscious mind will start finding evidence that it’s true. And it’s great at finding evidence, so for goodness’ sake, make sure you’re thinking about awesome stuff!

If you want to learn more about these attributes and the many others that exist, research Prime Directives of the Unconscious Mind. Google, research, learn, implement, share! And let me know how you go. I’d love to share your learning journey.

Filed Under: Communication, Personal Development

Improve your Memory in a matter of seconds

September 6, 2013 by

So, how is your learning going? Are you getting better at learning new things or relearning old things by understanding your learning style? I hope so! Now that you know some new things, how is your memory when it comes to recalling information? Remember, the best part of learning is teaching it to others so it’s imprinted in your memory even more…

Whether you a visual, auditory or kinaesthetic learner, you need to ACCESS that information in a way that the information you learn is useful to yourself and others. Did you know that over 60% of the population are visual learners? (source: Wikipedia). And, did you know, that regardless of your learning style, your eyes will move in a certain direction to help you recall information? That’s right… It’s all IN THE EYES! NLP Eye Patterns

Take a look at the diagram drawn very carefully by me in MS Paint 🙂 as if you are looking at another person looking back at you…

This person is normally organised – that is, they are most likely right handed. Everything is around the other way for someone who is not normally organised.

Vr = Visual Recall – this is where you look to recall or remember visual information. What colour is your house?

VC = Visual Construct – this is where you look to imagine something new. What would your house look like if it was purple with pink spots? BE CAREFUL HERE… Someone who looks up this way is not necessarily lying, they could just be imagining or creating something as a part of recalling. Knowing this information does not qualify you to star on Lie to Me…

Ar – Auditory Recall – this is where you look to recall a sound – like remembering your favourite song.

Ac = Auditory Construct – this is where you look to make up a new song or sound or thinking of something to say.

K = Kinaesthetic – this is where you look to access your feelings.

Ad = Auditory Digital – the home of reasoning and logic. This is where you look to access data, facts and figures. And your self talk.

The cool thing about this as it totally explains why someone is not looking at you when talking to you. They are not avoiding your gaze, they are simply accessing information (or making something up… or bored – human behaviour is not a perfect science!).

What this means for your memory

Do you need to remember something that you saw? It could be a picture or something written in a book. Look up to your left (if you are normally organised). Can you see it? It WILL be there.

Do you need to remember something that you heard? Something someone told you? Look sideways to your left.

Do you want to recall a special feeling? Look down to your right.

Do you want to recall some facts? Look down to your left.

How this can super-charge your memory

Even better… Do you want to remember something really important? Like a definition or a model? Simply take the picture and put it into your Vr – so when you look up and left you can see it. Keep it there for a while then move it down to your Ad to lock in the facts. Then finally move it to your K and lock in that feeling of knowing. When you want to recall it, simply look up to your left, to your Vr and it will be there. So those steps:

  • Vr
  • Ad
  • K

Got it? Now go and learn something. And don’t forget to teach it to someone else!

Did you find this useful? What did you learn? Why don’t you share by commenting or using your favourite sharing button?

Filed Under: Personal Development

Your Learning Style and what it means

August 25, 2013 by

Have you ever found you have picked something up – a new learning, hobby or skill just like that? (snaps fingers), and other things have been tougher or slower? Or perhaps not at all? It might be that you are just not meant to do that particular thing. OR it could be the way you were taught it.

Many successful people have said their reasoning for taking up a particular subject at school was because of the teacher. Their TEACHER! Their love of the subject came later and was often influenced by the teacher’s passion. It may have been because the teacher was brilliant, but I say it’s more than that. And, as we know, passion can only get us so far.

What is your Learning Style?

We all learn differently. Some of us need to SEE something (Visual), others need to HEAR it (Auditory), others need to DO it (Kinaesthetic). If you are taught something in a way that appeals to YOUR learning style, you will pick it up right away. If there is a mis-match, you will be challenged. I happen to love Bikram Yoga. It may be because there’s something about sweating in a room in 40 degrees that appeals, but I don’t think so. You see, I hate the heat. There is something else about it that gets me going. I like that I don’t have to watch anyone, I just have to listen: “Move your right hip forward and your left shoulder back”… “Feet together nicely”… “Touch your forehead to your knee” (what???) “Bend your knee if you need to” (phew…). Bikram yoga was actually how I learned I was a primarily auditory learner. Before that, I would study for tests by writing things down in different colours and reading over them, use pictures and read things out loud at times. It was still effective, but now I know that the spoken word is what gets me going AND retains information, it’s made a big difference.

How to Love Learning

Readers of my blog know I love learning. The excitement of learning something new then teaching it to someone else is the reason I get out of bed in the morning. It may be the thrill of the new information, it may be the skill. But I think it’s so much more than that. If I can take in information in a way that suits my learning style (primarily auditory), I’m in heaven.

Think now of something you are keen to learn: windsurfing, yoga, cat herding. How have you been successful in the past at learning something? What worked? What didn’t? What did you notice about your learning style?

Visual?

Auditory?

Kinaesthetic?

Does something stand out as your primary learning style? It may be a combination of a number of things. Now, go and learn something new, favouring that style/styles. I’m positive it will make a difference in how easily you will learn. Unless it’s cat herding. I hear that’s pretty hard…

What was one new thing you learned from this post? Go ahead and comment below or share using your favourite button!

Filed Under: Personal Development Tagged With:

Weights or Cardio? Life Lessons I’ve learned from working out

August 18, 2013 by

I love going to the gym, I really do. But I’m a lover of the spin studio or anything that gets my heart racing immediately. Immediately! I have a number of friends who have successful personal training businesses that tell me the importance of weights. I believe them. Bone density, fat burning, general health. I’ve even done the research myself. Yet, when I’m looking at the lat pull-down machine and the spin studio music starts, I just can’t help myself. Short term pleasure wins over long term gain…

Short term pleasure vs long term gain

You see, I would rather the buzz of cardio over the long term benefits of weights. Even though I KNOW how beneficial lifting weights is. Even if only for 30 minutes (15 minutes longer than a spin class). But it doesn’t FEEL like I’m doing much. My heart isn’t racing! I don’t have that shaky, spinny feeling that I get after a great cardio workout (your legs are supposed to feel tingly, right?). It’s more attractive to spend time either running or cycling or rowing or equally huffy puffy…

Weights and Cardio in Life

So, how does this play out in other areas of my life? (a great coaching question, by the way…). If I’m to be honest, I thrive on the activity that generates the most movement or excitement. The one that feels the busiest. I tend to put off the tasks that don’t feel like I’m getting much benefit in favour of the tasks that get my heart racing. So, how is that working out for me? (another great coaching question) Well, not always great, to be honest. I have found that the times that I have invested in the thinking, the strategy, the planning, and the general “weights” related activity, I have got the most benefit. But not immediately. When I simply run from one busy task to another, I find I am getting a lot of short term benefit but nothing else.

Some short term pain for long term pleasure

So, I’ve learned to strike a balance. I do weights, but break them up with a surge of effort on the rowing machine in between sets. And the same goes for other areas of my life. I fulfill my need for “busyness” by doing short term surges, then balance off with what I have started to call “investment activities”. They don’t feel amazing but I know that they will pay off in the end: business development, writing manuals, doing my social media strategy. I won’t say I’m an expert, but I know where the results are and I know where I need to focus. And I’m getting better. That’s pretty good as far as I’m concerned.

How much of your time is taken up with “busyness”? Could you benefit from more weights? What could you do that would improve your productivity in the long term? Share below using your favourite button!

Filed Under: Personal Development

Don’t Give Up! It’s your decision!

August 12, 2013 by

determination, decision

When I was at the Australian Defence Force Academy a number of years ago, we had to do a fitness test twice a year. It was always quite challenging but exhilarating once you had passed. In my second year, they introduced a new challenge – an overhand arm hang from a heave beam. Now, if that means nothing to you, you are not alone. Just know that it involved hanging with your hands baby kangaroo style over a large beam not designed for women’s hands! If it had been under-hand, it would have been easy (well, easier). But over-hand called upon the tiny muscles in my arms that don’t get much exercise. Any woman with hips was going to find it a challenge. At the first test, most of the girls in my class failed. Only the super light, muscular types survived the 21 seconds you had to remain up there. You needed a very light power to weight ratio and to engage parts of your arms that just weren’t meant to hold you up for any period of time.

The heartbreak…

For someone like me who had consistently achieved credits in the fitness test, this was heart breaking. Even more so was the requirement to turn up to Extra PT every morning from 5.30am. This session was grueling and nicknamed “Sluggies”. In true military fashion (I’m sure they don’t do this anymore), they applied the same principle to every person there – to pass your test, you need to run more. Then run some more. So, while my run time improved beyond anything I could have dreamed of, my arm hang time stayed the same. Day after day, we ran around the oval at 5.30am. Weekend after weekend, we would attempt the test again with no improvements. I once made 19 seconds (although I think the assessor was being very kind – my chin was heading south of the bar at about the 14 second mark), and I spent the next week berating myself for not hanging on for another 2 seconds. The following week I only made 15 seconds. It was soul destroying. I even began thinking of myself as a “slug” rather than a fit and healthy person.

The decision…

Then, one week, a few people passed! There were cheers and tears as we farewelled our fellow Sluggies from what had become a close group, bonded in our 5.30am misery. It was a celebration for some, a reminder for others we had still failed. But, something magical had happened. We had seen the possibility of passing. We had seen what it looked like, we had heard (and participated in) the celebrations, we had felt what it would be like to be free of this burden. I decided I would pass the following week. I practised as I had every week before. This time, I told myself that if others could do it, so could I. I already had blisters on my hands from all the practice in the past few months, but this time was different. I was practising to pass. I had DECIDED to pass.

The following test, I didn’t just pass, I stayed there for 35 seconds. 35 seconds!! And it was easy. Relief and joy washed over me. I had done it!

The real learning for me in this experience was that at the very beginning I had given up. I was turning up to Sluggies at 5.30am every day and going through the physical motions, but in my mind, I had decided I wasn’t going to pass. I had accepted this new reality as my own.

The moment I saw another possibility – the possibility of passing – I questioned it and made a new decision. A decision to do something different. The power is in my hands. The power to make a choice. The power to define the rules.

Since then, health has been one of my top values.

What new decisions will you make today that could change your reality? Share below in the comments or with your favourite social media button!

Filed Under: Personal Development

Failure – redefine it so it’s impossible

August 4, 2013 by

Failure. Yes, that dreaded word. That word that sometimes seems so easy (and hard!) to say. When we don’t meet our goals, sometimes this word comes up. I didn’t get to the gym 3 times this week. I didn’t get all my emails answered today. I should have… I could have… Winning, failure

What is your definition of failure?

One of my favourite quotes is by Thomas A. Edison who said: “I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.” So, this quote, as well as being massively inspiring, tells us a lot about his definition of failure. When he had failed once, that wasn’t failure, when he had failed hundreds of times, that wasn’t failure. How many times do you have to fall over and pick yourself up before you call failure? According to Edison, this number is very high. According to others, it’s lower.

Your definition so you ALWAYS win

Einstein once said that “You never fail until you stop trying.” What if YOU were to define failure in a way that mean’t you could NEVER FAIL? What if, instead of trying something once or even a number of times, failure was only possible if you stopped trying.

You see, we decide our entire world by the rules we make for ourselves… “If  I <insert cool thing here x frequency> I am/have <insert awesome achievement/accolades here>”

So, why not make some rules that will serve our cause? Support us? Champion us?

What if you couldn’t fail? What would you do instead? And how awesome would it be?

So, go ahead and redefine your rules on failure. Then see what might be possible…

Please share your experiences below in the comments of use these handy little sharing buttons!

Filed Under: Personal Development

What are you doing consistently?

July 18, 2013 by

SuccessI wrote a post recently for That Online Stuff about consistency (and then ironically didn’t blog for a few weeks… Hmmm…). You can read it here. My focus was on business and social media but it got me thinking… I’m sure Aristotle was not JUST referring to building your business and social media when he said: “We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence is not an act but a habit”. I’m sure if social media had been invented back then, he would have regularly tweeted his wisdom to the world. It would have been awesome!

It got me thinking about what I do on a consistent basis – apart from the obvious necessities. And I have to agree with Aristotle. Thinking about the things I do well, it is not necessarily because I have awesome talent, it is because I do them consistently, regularly. The times when I was at my most fit and healthy a few years ago, I did something every day. It wasn’t a 20km run, it may only have been a short walk, but it was something. I was kind to myself and accepted that on a day I was feeling tired, perhaps a short jog or walk was sufficient. Other days, I would power through an hour gym work out or a long run. And there was another thing – I was enjoying it. I really looked forward to my workout, and approached it with a sense of anticipation and play. It wasn’t serious.

When I speak in public, I do it well because I have been doing it regularly since I won the Grade 7 public speaking competition a number of years ago. I also happen to love it.

I totally believe that once you set a goal and put a big enough Why around it, you will definitely achieve it. I also believe that in order to guarantee success, it is important to put in place some habits or rituals that, if done consistently, will further seal in your chances of success. And they need to be habits that you are going to love.

So, what’s the formula…

Success =

A Big Why + Daily Habits + Enjoyment

What do you think? What if one element is missing? I still maintain that success would be possible – it would just be harder. So, go put all those elements into play right now. And let me know how you go. I’ll let you know how I go – especially on the daily habits!

Did you enjoy this post? If you did, please comment or share on your favourite social network using these clever little sharing buttons below!

Filed Under: Change Management, Personal Development

Fear Change? Change Fear!

June 22, 2013 by

 

Choice, White Cat

Everyone is afraid of change. Or so they think. Mostly, they are afraid of loss. They are afraid of BEING changed. Believe me, when I’m in charge of change, I’m fine about change! When someone is forcing it upon me, I’m not so excited about it. I could be downright rebellious. Even if deep down I might think it’s a good idea. Too bad. It wasn’t my idea, noone involved me, so I don’t feel valued or inclined to help. I’ll just be in my blanket fort in the living room colouring in if anyone needs  me, okay?

Have you had this experience? Not the bit about being rebellious or scared. That’s not you, is it? But it might be someone you know…

But we all know that change is essential to progress. How does it feel to come up against this resistance? Annoying? Frustrating? Do you just want to metaphorically (or physically) grab this resistor and give them a shake?

You are not alone.

So, we can’t stop people fearing and resisting change. What can we do?

We can talk to them. What DO they stand to lose? They might be attached to their blanket fort, and even though the new living room is bigger with a massive TV, the old living room was perfect for them. What do they THINK they are going to miss out on or have to change? The simple act of listening and acknowledging might be all you need to do. What mitigating actions can you put in place to make the situation less worse? Now, I use the term “less worse” on purpose – as that’s all you’re going to do. As an executive I worked with once said “don’t piss in my pocket and tell me it’s raining”.

Say it how it is. If it’s going to be challenging, say that. If it’s going to be scary, say that too. Let them know what to expect, that you hear them AND you will do what you can to mitigate. Work with them to realise there is ALWAYS a choice.

Even if their fears are not real.

When you work to mitigate losses, you decrease their fear. When you decrease fear, you increase choice. When you increase choice, you get results.

What’s one thing you could do to reduce the fear of others’ around you during your change effort? The one thing that could make all the difference? Do that.

Filed Under: Change Management, Personal Development

How are you feeling?

June 16, 2013 by
Never be hungry

“I’ll never be hungry again!”

I found an advertisement for what sounds like a fantastic diet the other day. The tag line was “Never Feel Hungry again!” Admittedly, the first thing I thought of was that dramatic scene from Gone with the Wind where Scarlett O’Hara is standing on a hilltop declaring ” I’m going to live through this and when it’s all over, I’ll never be hungry again”. It was powerful and emotive, but I have a feeling that the advertisement was not promising that you will never have to lie, cheat or steal to feed your family during a war-torn time.  It was letting you know that if you followed this amazing diet, you wouldn’t “feel” any hunger. Great, right? Well… No…

It got me thinking about emotions. In this world of “think positive”, we seem to spend a lot of time pursuing “good” feelings and running away from “bad” feelings. I, for one, think feeling hungry is a good thing. It’s a sign that my body needs nourishment. And if I really listen to my body, I can know exactly what it needs. Sometimes, it really needs a serve of vegetables. Other times, it needs a cupcake. And the same goes for emotions. Feeling a negative emotion should not be seen as a bad thing. Like hunger, it’ s just a feeling and it is there for a reason. If you are feeling sad or lonely, instead of running away from it in the pursuit of what you”should” be feeling (we should all be feeling happy all the time, right?), why not take some time to get really curious as to why you are feeling this way. You are feeling this way for a reason. Stop, acknowledge it, and really feel it. One of the great things about life is that everything passes. Both the good and the bad. Instead of replacing this “bad” feeling with a “good” feeling, why not sit with it and know that it, like everything else, will pass?

Negative feelings are only bad when they stay around for extended periods of time and stop you getting the results you are after. If this is the case, perhaps review your goals. Have you tried to do too much too soon? Is this the reason you are feeling bad? There are lots of ways to stop feeling a negative emotion – just be really sure that you know why you are feeling it first. Sometimes simply acknowledging it is enough.

So go ahead. Feel the feeling you are feeling right now. Really acknowledge it and get curious. And know it will pass. And that you have so many good things to look forward to, if only you let yourself.