Daniel Goleman stated in a TED Talk ‘There is a newly coined word in the English language for the moment when the person we’re with whips out their BlackBerry or answers that cell phone, and all of a sudden we don’t exist. The word is ‘pizzled’: it’s a combination of puzzled and pissed off’. I think we have all been there. That feeling of suddenly being Priority Number Two, Three or Four to an electronic device.

We have so many gadgets that are supposed to make our lives easier, yet they seem at times to take us further away from each other. Many have written and spoken about how bad this is, yet so many of us still do it. Why? According to Edward M. Hallowell in in a Harvard Business Review Article entitled “The Human Moment at Work”, we all know and recognise that face to face contact is important, but they require energy. Energy we would rather spend elsewhere. As a result, we turn to electronic means to communicate and lose touch with our fellow human beings. The results can lead to paranoia and anxiety.

When my clients are describing a problem to me, often it’s the first time they have ever verbalised it. In their heads, this problem has been building up and sounding like a catastrophe. Once out loud, it doesn’t sound so bad. This does not mean that all of our problems can be solved by just saying them out loud, but it is definitely the first step to resolution. Otherwise, one can experience what Hallowell describes as “toxic worry”, where an issue just plays around in your head without an outlet, apart from perhaps a misunderstood email or voicemail.

So, we need these “human moments”. A lot. Like brushing our teeth or exercising, human moments need to be regular to be effective. Trust your intuition. Do you need to reach out to someone? Do you need to put down your Blackberry and give someone your attention? Strategic use of the human moment will help reduce the confusion that is all too much created by electronic communications. It can restore us and make us feel whole.

And the good news is, it’s easy to do. So, go on. Have a Human Moment right now!

Some people ask me how it is possible to have a regular meditation practice AND have cats. How do I maintain my zen composure in the midst of rowdy giant ragdoll kittens? Is there a “How To” Guide on meditating with cats?

Actually, noone has asked me that, but I wish they would. Because then I could tell them.

It’s impossible

My regular as clockwork, completely calm, amazing meditation does not happen as regularly as it used to. I don’t always start the day with a calm, centred approach, solving problems with a thought and saying wise words at the right time. Actually, none of that ever happened, but I was hoping…

I used to be able to sneak out of bed into my study and meditate, but the cats awaken at the sound of my eyelids opening and immediately start their morning campaign for attention. My quiet, zen time in the study is no longer possible. So, my meditation is whenever I can grab the time. Sometimes, it’s the morning, sometimes it is late afternoon or evening. And I have learned that anywhere between a few stolen minutes to a blissful hour, even when interrupted occasionally by a paw tapping my cheek, or my glass of water being knocked over, is still a good session.

The other day, I was meditating and noticed a lot of quiet around me. A lot. There was no water being splashed around or fighting or things being chased around. Concerned, I opened my eyes to find them both next to me, flat out, asleep. Most likely achieving a level of calm that I can only wish to achieve.

Keep going

Not all sessions will be perfect. Not all sessions will go for the length of time you planned. Resist the urge to pass judgment. Just sit. And if you can, sit some more. If you are okay with the puddle of water at your feet, let it be. If it needs to be cleaned up, do it. Then sit again. The more amazing sessions I have, the more I realise that a “perfect” session is not the goal. It’s just to be.

What distractions do you have in your life? Distractions that might be preventing you from being all you could be? How can you overcome them?

I was writing a post for our online communication business about overwhelm the other day. You can read it here. During my research, I was looking up other words for “overwhelm” using the very handy Thesaurus care of SHIFT F7. And do you know what I discovered? The Microsoft Word Thesaurus also provides antonyms, or opposites to the words you enter, a function I have never paid much attention to until now.

The opposite of “overwhelm” is “capitulate”.

Or, “surrender”.

So, in my blog post, I discussed the tactic of breaking down your tasks into bite-sized chunks to avoid overwhelm. A great concept I use all the time, especially when it all feels too much and I risk procrastination. And then I found out that, according to the dictionary, the opposite of overwhelm is surrender.

Wow.

So, to be clear, surrender is not about giving up and walking away. Or retreating in the face of battle. In fact, the Japanese language has no word for “retreat”. Instead, they call it “advancing to the rear”.

Are there times when it is best to “advance to the rear” rather than fight something? Would this give you a chance to get better perspective and learn? What are  you fighting anyway? Is there another way?

Is there something you could do right now that would mean you do not feel overwhelmed. Do that. Now. Then try “advancing to the rear” and see what you are able to observe from there.

Feel better? Good.

I know in my last post I talked a little about multi-tasking. And while I talk about how important it is to focus on one thing, it’s so easy to get distracted and completely go against my personal and professional mantra.

A colleague of mine showed me a great trick to convince even the worst of the multi-tasking offenders.

Take a sheet of paper and draw four lines. Get a stopwatch ready.

Start your stopwatch. On the first line write: I am good at multitasking. On the second line write the numbers 1 through to 20. Stop the stopwatch. Record your result.

Next… Start your stopwatch. Do exactly the same thing, only this time write the letters and numbers together alternating between lines. So, you would write “I” on the top line then “1” on the bottom line. Then go to the top line and write “a” then back to the bottom line and write “2” and so on. Stop the stopwatch. Record your result.

How did you go?

I took 23 seconds to do the first task. And 38 seconds to do the second. A whopping 60 percent longer.

Wow.

Can you imagine the impact in your day to day life with bigger, more critical tasks? It doesn’t bear thinking about. Do the exercise and I’d love to hear your result and what you are going to do to ensure you make the most of your time!

Have you ever studied a map of London, looked at the streets, the building names, the river Thames? Was it like being in London? Did you experience London? Probably not (not even if you have a great imagination!). Was it an accurate representation of London? Of course it was. But it was NOT London.

The same goes for the human mind. You see, our memories and experiences are stored in our minds, much like a map. They help create our reality and how we experience the world. But they are not our reality. They simply represent our reality.

The map is not the territory. Polish-American scientist and philosopher Alfred Korzybski encapsulated a  view that an abstraction derived from something, or a reaction to it, is not the thing itself (source: Wikipedia).

As a coach, I enter my client’s “maps” to understand them so I can best help them. The more I understand their map, the better I am able to understand how their past experiences have shaped who they are today. And then I can assist them make amazing transformational change. While working with a client it is important for me to always know that their map is just a representation, it is not them. Their map is not the territory. It is important for me to hold this belief to be true. Can you imagine what sort of world we would live in if we all believed that our views of reality were the only ones?

So how can we use this? Think about the words you would use to describe different areas of your life like your career, relationships, health and wealth. I you are honest; the words you use are a direct reflection of what you believe to be true and how you value yourself. Someone else might use different words. How you language something becomes your reality. What if you were to change the language that isn’t serving you and expand your map? Who is getting the results you want? What sort of language do they use? Even the smallest adjustment in what you say can lead to the biggest changes. Give it a go, I would love to hear your results!

In my last entry, I talked about the importance of being who you need to be, and acting “as if”. This is not “fake it til you make it”. It is “fake it until you become it”. How do you know when you have become it? Well, the world changes. Yes. You can change the world. How awesome is that?

You see, the world as we see it is simply a mirror of our own projections. Change the way you perceive the world, and you can change the world. Literally.

Try this exercise. Point your finger at someone and someone and say “you are beautiful”. Notice as you do this, there are three fingers pointing back at you. You can only recognise beauty in someone if you first see it in yourself. Therefore, the world is a reflection of you.

Which means that if we change the way we perceive ourselves, it will be reflected in the outer world. Just like changing your focus and seeing the evidence, changing the way you think about yourself is exactly the same thing. What a great way of moving from effect to cause!

Think about the people you love spending time with. What is it about them? Why do you enjoy spending time with them? What do you believe about them? How do you feel when you’re with them? Are ANY of these qualities in you? Could they be a reflection of you?

Now think about people you find challenging to be with. What is it about them that makes them challenging? What are some of the qualities in them that cause you to find them challenging? Are any of these qualities in you? Could THEY be a reflection of you also?

According to Carl Jung, we marry our unconscious minds, and all the challenges we have with our partners are all the challenges we have with ourselves. On a more positive note, all the things we love about our partners we love about ourselves.

What can you change about your thinking right now that can have a positive effect on the outside world?