I watched an amazing Ted Talk last week with Amy Cuddy explaining how you can change your body language to give yourself more confidence. I touched on this briefly in my blog on communication skills and Amy takes it to an greater  level using scientific evidence to show changes in testosterone and cortisol just from changing your physical state. Amazing.

The part of the talk that really got to me though was a personal account of her confidence taking a major blow in College. As a result of this setback, she formed the belief that she was not good enough to graduate, or have a successful career. She did go on to have a successful career, but for a long time felt like she did not deserve it, saying “I’m not supposed to be here”. With some great encouragement and mentoring, Amy was encouraged to keep showing up and “faking it”, until one day she realised that she had become it. She WAS “supposed to be here”. She DID deserve it.

How many times have you thought to yourself “I’m not supposed to be here”, or “I don’t deserve this”, or even “What if I’m found out”? There are three Universal Fears that are present in all of us to varying degrees: the fear of being found out (or not being enough), the fear of not being loved, and the fear of not belonging. What Amy is talking about here is the fear of being found out. We ALL have it. Everyone, at one point, has wondered whether they really deserved to be where they were, or worried about being found to be a fraud. The key to overcoming it is to recognise it, and realise it is totally normal to feel this way. 95% of it is awareness as one of my great mentors once told me.

Then, form a new belief: If you didn’t deserve this, you wouldn’t have it. So, keep turning up. And one day you will realise that you have become the person you needed to be to deserve it. You may also realise that you always were the person you needed to be, you just didn’t know it at the time. It’s not always easy to see ourselves for who we are. And that’s okay. Act “as if”, and one day you will not need to act. You will just need to be.

Who do you need to be? Start being that person now. Because you DO deserve it!

Last year, while training for the triathlon season, I was hit by a bike on a shared path and knocked unconscious. I ended up with concussion and a serious tail bone injury that left me unable to do anything apart from hobble around for a few months. I eventually physically recovered with some great chiropractic and massage care, but mentally, I struggled with the concept of getting back on my beautiful road bike. Funnily enough, the accident happened just after a bike ride while I was running. So, even though my bike was not involved, I had this fear of getting back on it. After a while, I got back on my mountain bike, but I just couldn’t get back on my road bike without visualising something terrible happening. I kept re-living the accident and the feeling of getting flung forward and the sound of my head hitting the pavement. I was doing a great job of letting the incident live rent-free in my head. I knew I had to get past it.

So, I started visualising riding my bike down a peaceful, tree-lined street with a wide bike path and no traffic, and the feeling of the wind and sun on my face, and turning the pedals with ease. Not a care in the world. Anytime something negative crept in, I ignored it and imagined my quiet street, with distant sounds and the lovely feeling of being on my bike. I did it over and over until I decided it was time, pumped up the tyres, put my helmet on, and headed off.

It felt awkward at first. The seat is higher than my commuting mountain bike, and I was a little nervous – only 20 minutes before I was figuring out how to put the back wheel back on (did I put it on the right way? Is the whole bike going to fall apart into a million pieces?). Pushing the negative thoughts out of my head (I had been getting pretty good at doing this lately), I pushed on and turned up a quiet street not far from my house. In fact, it was the quiet street from my visualisation. Exactly the same one. Even the distant sounds were the same. And there were no cars. Well, one appeared but was of no consequence. The sun felt warm on my face and the breeze was lovely. It felt easy and effortless. Just like my visualisation.

I am beginning to appreciate even more, how important the quality of my thoughts are. And how critical it is to visualise success. And know what is possible. Anything is possible. I’m so jubilant about a 10 minute bike ride, but I know if I can achieve this, who knows what else I can do?

Brad Sugars posted this picture on Facebook last week and I love it. It states quite simply what might help to keep in mind when answering that age old question: What should I do with my life? When we were younger (and to be honest, even now for many of us), the question was: What will I do when I grow up? In a time when the average person changes careers at least three times, this question is being asked more and more.

I remember being told that it didn’t matter, as long as I loved what I did. Well, when I was young, I loved riding my bike and climbing trees. I clearly failed to make a career out of those passions, so I knew there had to be more. My father once said, ‘as long as you are happy and what you are doing is legal, I will be proud of you’. Already the options were narrowing…

I believe along with this great image, there is an order of thinking:

1. Where are you now? Plot your position in the circles. Where would you like to be? How close or far away do you need to move?
2. Start with what you love. What are you passionate about? What gets you up in the morning? What do you talk about with your friends? What are your Google searches? This is the most important and must be done first, because it doesn’t matter how much you are paid or how good you are at something, if you don’t love it, you won’t be happy.
3. Next: What you are good at. Out of the things you are passionate about, where are your skills? These can be skills you have learned or natural talents. OR skills you are prepared to learn. This is the time to give yourself some credit. You are most likely good at more than you think.
4. Finally: What pays well. And it’s more than that. Who is your market? What does it want? Who is your ideal customer or organisation? Does what you are passionate and good at fit with it? Are there other markets that could use your passion and skills that you haven’t even considered? Research as well as some introspection is critical here.
5. Time for a new plot on the circles. Is your thinking and research taking you to where you would like to be? What adjustments can you make to make it even better?

Here’s to doing what you love and loving what you do!

Yes, it’s almost time start thinking about your ‘new year resolutions’. But it’s more than that. It’s time to reflect on your results for 2012. And the cool thing is about this time, is that it doesn’t matter what you have done (or not done) or what you have learned (or not learned) in 2012, you have achieved a result. Yes, a result. Where you are now, what you have now is simply a result of your actions. If you are truly at Cause (and I know you are), you will be able to look back on your year and your results and link them to thoughts, decisions or actions that have led you to where you are now.

The thing I love about this is that no matter what, we get a result. It’s like starting a race and knowing you’re going to win. By looking at this result, we can decide if this truly was the result we were after. If this was the race we wanted to be in. Because, let’s face it, how many of us have strived for a goal, only to achieve it and think ‘hmmm?…’. Or, change the goal as it was no longer worth pursuing for many reasons. All of this is okay, as it still meant you got a result.

Asking yourself some great questions is a start… Have you got the results you were after in 2012? What were the things that you did that contributed to the results you were happy with? What are some things you could do differently to get different results from the ones you got that you are not as happy with? What results do I want in 2013 and what do I need to do? Who do I need to be? What are my goals?

Another very cool thing… There are still 50 days left in the year. That’s 13.7 percent of the year left to go. I challenge you to set a desired result for the end of the year. Don’t wait for 2013. What can you do right now, for the next 50 days? And get a result you will be proud of? I have agreed to swim 3.8km, cycle 180km and run 42km. All done at once, this is an Ironman triathlon, and my friends and I have agreed to do it over the next few weeks, encouraging each other all the way. It should be a healthy and fun way to start the festive season.

I wish you all the best in planning some outstanding results for the next 50 days. And for 2013!

I was talking to a friend of mine the other day who is a brilliant public speaker. So brilliant, in fact, she is in demand for not just speaking events but also to train people in public speaking. Amazing. She shared with me her journey, and it all started with her boss telling her she was so bad at speaking she needed to get training. Really. Bad. So bad, her job was in question. This was motivation for her to get some formal training, and she has not looked back from this point. In fact, part of her motivation was to help people so they never had to go through what she went through.

And it got me thinking about Angry Birds. That’s right. A fantastic iPhone game that involves flinging birds at pigs. You are rewarded with stars, golden eggs and points. I love it. What I have found (over the course of a small amount of game time… ahem…) is that some levels are quite easy and I complete them in one go. Others are more complex. I have found that the ones that I complete easily I find difficult to go back to and achieve three stars. The ones I get stuck on, and I try over and over, I find that once I crack that level, I get three stars.

When I was in the Navy, I struggled with blind pilotage (navigation via radar). I couldn’t get the fact that at all times, I was in the middle of the radar screen and everything else was moving around me. I struggled through my assessments and ended up at sea. I avoided any opportunity to do blind pilotage until I realised it was ridiculous. I had to learn. So I volunteered to be the ‘blind pilot’ and after a few disasters (I don’t want to talk about it), I got better. And before I knew it I was doing it easily and effortlessly. I was sought out to do complex pilotages due to my experience. How did that happen? I don’t know. I guess I just put in the time and went from appalling to excellent. Blind pilotage was my Angry Birds super difficult level. It took a while to crack, but when it did, it was worth it.

These stories are all examples of the ability to go from almost hopeless cause to excellent. And it got me thinking… You can be terrible at something but there is still a potential to be brilliant at it. Just by putting in the time and having the motivation. What does that say about our potential? Does it have any limits? No!

Now, what is it that I find hard that I could make easy? Hmmm…

Lately, I have been engaged to speak on communication skills, as well as coaching a number of clients on how to not just speak in public but communicate effectively with outstanding results, and I wanted to share some top tips:

1. Give people an experience. If your audience just wanted a download of information, they would look it up on the internet or read a book or a magazine. They are listening to you right now for something more. Give it to them. Do not inundate them with facts. Give them an experience they can’t get from a book. They are here for you. Know it. Own it.
2. Who do you need to be? In any given day, while still essentially being ‘you’, you need to be very different things to different people. Some of it is an unconscious switch, like going from being the boss at work to being a mother or father to small children at home. We all have the ability to manage our state by changing the smallest thing. Put your shoulders back. Look up. Consciously choose who you need to be, and go ahead and ‘be’ that person. What you can give your audience will be incredible. If your audience needs a rock star, be a rock star. If you audience needs a healer, be a healer. BE who you need to be and serve your audience with all of your heart.
3. Serve the room. Do this one thing and you will never, ever be nervous. Look at everyone in the room with love and care. Engage and connect with them. Expand your awareness. Ask yourself ‘how can I serve this room?’ and ‘What is it these people need from me that if I gave it to them, it would make the biggest difference?’ Give it to them. As the person in front of the room whether it be 1 or 1000 people, when you are speaking, you are the leader. Be a servant leader and serve them. When you focus on serving, it is impossible to be nervous. You can only be nervous when you are in your head. Speak from your heart. And, of course, be prepared.
4. Yes times three. Get your audience to say yes (or at least nod) at least three times before you launch into what you have to say. The unconscious mind loves threes. When they nod, nod with them. You are now in rapport, and your audience is more open and receptive to what you have to say. This is called the Agreement Frame and is a powerful tool in forming a connection with and influencing people.
5. Learning Styles. Some people learn visually, some by auditory means, and others by doing (kinaesthetic). Other people love data, facts and figures (Auditory Digital, otherwise known as the language of business). You are guaranteed to have all four styles in any audience, so use language that engages all types. To engage visual people, use words like ‘see’, ‘vision’ and ‘picture’ and use body language that means they look up. To engage auditory people, say things like ‘I hear you’, and ‘that sounds good’. Examples of kinaesthetic words are ‘feel’, ‘touch’ and ‘experience’. For maximum engagement, start with kinaesthetic, then auditory, then visual, otherwise known as a ‘KAV Opening’.
6. Start with ‘why’. Simon Sinek explained in a TED Talk the importance of ‘Why’. Do the same when engaging your audience. Always start with ‘why’ you are talking about your topic. Only when you have talked about ‘why’, can you move onto ‘what’, then ‘how’, finishing with ‘what next’. Many people make the mistake of launching into ‘what’. Do that and you lose the ‘why’ people, and possibly a good portion of your audience.

What can you change about the way you communicate that will give you outstanding results?

Recently, I experienced a bit of a setback, a personal loss that left me very sad. During my time of ‘recovery’, I was interested to observe the beliefs and behaviours I adopted to get back up and I wanted to share them with you:

1. Just do something. At times I found myself paralysed into inaction, not sure what to do. So, I just did something. Anything. Sometimes it was a matter of picking up the phone and calling someone, either work or personal. Or putting on my trainers and going for a walk, or doing yoga. Listening to an inspiring podcast or music. Just something. This momentum moved me to the next thing. And the next. And before I knew it, I was no longer paralysed, but moving onward and upward. ‘A journey of 1,000 miles begins with a single step’.
2. Admit Weakness and ask for help. This was a hard one. Just letting people know I was finding it hard to cope was difficult for me to do, as I wanted to be strong. Strong for me and strong for others. I was amazed with the response and support I received, and it was refreshing to be totally honest with people around me about what I was going through. We don’t have to be strong and perfect all the time.
3. Focus on what is important. I have my goals written down, and during this time, I made an extra effort to read them several times a day, looking forward to the future. It reminded me of what is important to me. Focusing on the future makes it hard to dwell in the past. It’s hard to be down with so many exciting things to look forward to!
4. Push yourself. I was told once that successful people do the things that others don’t want to do. So, during this time, I pushed myself to go to networking events, social events and connected with others. I connected with some new people that gave me such a buzz, it was difficult to be sad and sorry for myself. There was even a new business opportunity there, how good is that?
5. Focus on others. I didn’t stop coaching. I didn’t stop running workshops and trainings. I used this opportunity to switch the focus completely from me and what I was going through totally to others and how I could help them. This allowed me to serve others even more completely.
6. Be grateful. This was also a time to remind myself to be grateful for my health, my friends, my family, the list goes on. ‘Yesterday is History, Tomorrow a Mystery, Today is a Gift, That’s why it’s called the Present’. Alice Morse Earle. Sage words indeed

What have you done to get yourself out of a rut? What can you do right now to be even better?